As a highly introverted person, I have to come to terms with the fact that by 'keeping myself to myself', on occasions, others will pass me by and not take notice of me. In a world of noise and variety, you have a choice. Speak up or accept certain things pass you by. Make your decision and act accordingly - the outcomes are in your control, not in others.

Patience is a virtue

Don't do what I did yesterday - I allowed myself to get irritated by some other drivers. I'd parked in an out-of-town retail centre about as far from the entrance as you could get. The queue to get out was horrendous! I don't know why and probably never will. As soon as I moved the car forward, the woman in the car who might have let me into the queue moved instantly right up to the car in front and flatly refused to let me in.

Selfish of her? Well - yes frankly!
Stupid of her? Well - yes frankly!
Did I get inwardly annoyed? Well - yes frankly!
Stupid of me? Well yes frankly!

Why? Well there was no point. In the grand scheme of life it really made very little difference to me or to her. One of us was simply one car length behind in a queue that was going nowhere fast.

Keep calm, relax, keep your blood pressure down and it will all be better in the end. I regret my reaction - yes - if everyone had just alternated then we would all have got out quicker (I was not the only one to be blocked selfishly!). However, by getting irritated, I only damaged myself more than she did!




Ho hum! The benefit of hindsight! Ah well, now it becomes foresight for next time.

Taking stock and adjusting goals

This time of year is good for taking stock of where you are in life and what you want to do for the future.

It's a good time because often there is time to think, a natural hiatus in the normal rush of life, even if only for a few hours. This time to think is very valuable - we spend so much time in the immediacy of living our lives we often don't take time to stop and plan our lives.

So just a thought.......coming up to New Year and the advent of New Year's resolutions......plan your resolutions carefully. Make them realistic and achieveable (you know the SMART Specific Measurable Achieveable Realistic and Timed acronym) - all too often resolutions are so ambitious that they will never be met. Set realistic goals and stick to them. Plan what and how you are going to do so and how you will reward yourself when you achieve them. Write them down and note how valuable achieving them will bee to you.

Do these things and you are much more likely to achieve them!

Go for it!

Remember there is no such thing as luck. Luck is what happens when planning and determination meets opportunity!

Choice is always an option

Well - it's wintry outside for the UK that is! Minus 10 to minus 15 seems the norm currently - quite a rarity for the UK in December. I love it! Not the cold per se but the crispness and the clarity of the air. It's what winter should be like - not tepid, dull, damp and grey as it so often is.

I've just finished work for some well earned (I think anyway) R&R and I feel great for this time of year - I've got loads to do still and will work whilst the holiday is on but I feel that I have choice.

That is so important - choice. If I can share a 'learn', there is always choice when you think about it. I find that some of my clients get stuck and start thnking they have no choice. They always do have choice but can't recognise it - I help significantly by helping them realise the fact. A friend of mine used to say, "If what you are doing is not working, do something different!"

Simple advice but very valuable - if you are not comfortable currently, change something - in a sense it does not matter what, change it!

You soon realise you do have choice - an empowering thought.

Enjoy!

Virus woes

Sitting, or should I say half lying here and alternately shivering and then sweating, I have a wonderful virus to thank for feeling somewhat 'under the weather'. I think I've got real flu! No, not 'man flu' - the real one that wipes you out for at least a few days!

I have to say that whilst I believe in 'live and let live' as a principle, I can find little to recommend viruses and am currently hoping my immune system is engaged in some truly vicious and malevolent virus murder!

That being said - there is always something positive to draw from any situation. Being off work I realise that things will happen without me because they have to. Maybe I'm not that indispensible after all - sobering thought that!

Time to think is good - I must make time to do so more deliberately!

I also realise just how much I enjoy work, the hassles, the challenges, the people! It's frustrating to have to stop for while but it must be good for me in one sense.

Ho hum! It could be worse! Die you horrible viruses! Die!

Use of Coaching for Managers

So many Managers are promoted to a managerial position and are then left to 'sink or swim'. Rather typical of this country and economic hard times.

These managers can and do survive but those without a degree of imagination or perhaps basic ability will either fail or will turn out to be poor managers. You know the type I mean, the dictatorial type, the weak type, the type that manage through positional power alone, the lazy type!

Clearly for some it is personality and basic ability that they will never have (believe me they exist! I've had three in my working life!) but, for the vast majority, a bit of encouragement, training and introduction to the incredible power of taking a coaching approach to their day to day work can make huge differences.

Being able to take a coaching approach as a manager is hugely empowering, not only for the manager but for the employee. It allows for a situation of mutual respect, mutual trust and creation of options. Working life for all parties can become enjoyable again.

Of course, it requires the manager to have the ability in the first place but also requires them to be willing to learn, take risks inherent in 'letting go' of some control, recognising that their employees may be betteer than they are at some things and trusting.

The end result is well worth the risk and investment of time and effort.

Integritus Ltd runs Coaching for Managers courses recognising the potential for growth in business that comes from learning new skills. http://www.integritusltd.co.uk/

Protecting your well-being

This blog, I hope, will inspire you to be confident in yourself. I know that some of you, maybe a majority, will say that you are perfectly self-confident. OK if you are, great, well done, please maintain this, it's good to know.


Enough of you to matter, will not be quite so lucky and will on occasions suffer self-doubt. Sometimes this may become sufficiently large to impede your enjoyment or prevent you functioning as well as you might do. Let me proffer a couple of simple techniques to help overcome this sort of issue and trust that you will find them useful.

• Self-doubt often arises from your perception of what others think of you. For example I have always wanted to have some standing within the context of some people quite close to me. Sadly my perception is that this has rarely been the case for many years to my personal detriment. There is also probably some truth in this as they can act, at times, in a way that over-rides my views and opinions. Somewhere between my perception and the evidence of their behaviour is the truth. Why do I share this with you? - well simply this I have learned, more and more, through time and experience to stick to my inner belief and rely on how I feel about things relating to this. This is what I want you to do. Your views and opinions are important. Without belief in yourself it is hard to function. Give it a try and go with it. Accept that, whilst on occasions you will actually be wrong (after all you are human and being wrong is allowed) most of the time you will be right and it is right to do what is right for you. Take the risk and you will more often than not prove to be right.

• Give more credence to those that know you well and do apprecite you for what you are, for your views and for yourself.

• Self-doubt can also arise from negative inner focus. That is your mind concentrates on what you have not done so well rather than what you have actually done very well indeed. To counter this and get into the habit of positive thinking. Also to notice constantly all the times you do well (instead of ignoring these times), write a simple list out at the end of every day all the things that you have done well that day. Be thorough and note how good it made you feel. Believe me there will be loads to write.

• Reward yourself when you do something which goes particularly well.

It takes a few days (I've forgotten how many the experts say it is but something like 20 days) to build a new habit so you need to persevere and become easily familiar with a new way of thinking.

Self-doubt is quite normal and whether it to greater of a lesser extent in your personal make-up, it is worth acting to build your inner confidence as you will feel better, achieve more and be even more valuable you and to those around you than you are now.

Enjoy!